Often times I don't know where to start. My days overlap each other to the point where I cannot see when one ends and the other begins. It seems that no matter how hard I try to accomplish something, things slip through my fingers into the abyss that is my brain. Towards the beginning it was easier to grasp what was happening as the days dragged on, my mind would race to the fleeting moment of relief that the day was over and I could go home. Now it seems that the only thing my mind races to is when am I going to eat next, what will I drink next, when is the next restroom break. I cannot help these thoughts from happening, yet they continue without resolve. I can only hope that within the short future that is ahead, some clarity comes forward to calm the brainwaves that crash along the shore of my conscious.
As I sit in this box and type away, I see little bits of myself wasting away to the ultimate end that waits for us all. Never knowing what will actually happen and if it does happen, how it will come to be. I don't cherish coming to this place day in and day out, but I come because I am duty bound to it. Like a moth to a light, I cannot avoid it regardless of how hard I try and fight it. There will be an end to it all and there will be a clearing of the storm, but when will that happen. The moth only knows the light and the mind only knows whats present. I can't see past the next minute, day or week but only what is ahead of me right now. Lunch, sandwich, chips, grapes, yogurt...
The ramblings of my mind are that of someone who doesn't perceive reality that is set forth before them. Always watching, always looking, and always on guard. You don't know where it will come from or where its been, but it will get there in due time. They say that a mans brain is like a set of boxes. Each labeled with what they are thinking about at that point in time. My boxes have all burnt down and just ash sits in their place. Broken and defeated I wonder on into this life that is before me. I know not of what will come but expect it to be something that I have not faced before but could face again.
Events happen and I pay attention. I see more than most when it comes to whats going on. I take it in. I study it. I learn what it means and then act on it. I deal in absolutes. Not knowing what will happen drives me to learn what can be found out there. Time and location are key to ensuring that the race can be finished. With others waiting on me, with me waiting on me, how can I go forward. I look at what has happened and what will come, by certainty it will pass. I will be at the finish line in time for the next race but will it all be worth it in the end. Do I have the expectation that everything is in the proper place?
Sitting and standing comes to me like a rake to leaves. Its labored but must be done. My body aches and hurts more than it doesn't. Breathing becomes difficult and so does living. I must push forward for no one other than the ones that look to me for guidance, strength, commitment, encouragement, and love. But to what end do I push? When will the pain leave this tired body? How much more must be done before its settled... no one knows. The cycle continues through to the next and begins again.
As I sit in this box and type away, I see little bits of myself wasting away to the ultimate end that waits for us all. Never knowing what will actually happen and if it does happen, how it will come to be. I don't cherish coming to this place day in and day out, but I come because I am duty bound to it. Like a moth to a light, I cannot avoid it regardless of how hard I try and fight it. There will be an end to it all and there will be a clearing of the storm, but when will that happen. The moth only knows the light and the mind only knows whats present. I can't see past the next minute, day or week but only what is ahead of me right now. Lunch, sandwich, chips, grapes, yogurt...
The ramblings of my mind are that of someone who doesn't perceive reality that is set forth before them. Always watching, always looking, and always on guard. You don't know where it will come from or where its been, but it will get there in due time. They say that a mans brain is like a set of boxes. Each labeled with what they are thinking about at that point in time. My boxes have all burnt down and just ash sits in their place. Broken and defeated I wonder on into this life that is before me. I know not of what will come but expect it to be something that I have not faced before but could face again.
Events happen and I pay attention. I see more than most when it comes to whats going on. I take it in. I study it. I learn what it means and then act on it. I deal in absolutes. Not knowing what will happen drives me to learn what can be found out there. Time and location are key to ensuring that the race can be finished. With others waiting on me, with me waiting on me, how can I go forward. I look at what has happened and what will come, by certainty it will pass. I will be at the finish line in time for the next race but will it all be worth it in the end. Do I have the expectation that everything is in the proper place?
Sitting and standing comes to me like a rake to leaves. Its labored but must be done. My body aches and hurts more than it doesn't. Breathing becomes difficult and so does living. I must push forward for no one other than the ones that look to me for guidance, strength, commitment, encouragement, and love. But to what end do I push? When will the pain leave this tired body? How much more must be done before its settled... no one knows. The cycle continues through to the next and begins again.
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